Worth The Effort By Hannah Rule
It has been over six years since I have had consistent and deep friendships.
While I have life-long friendships that I can call on any day that will be there to support me, I have not been able to be intentional. Any new friendships formed throughout these six years have not had the time or space to grow. This is a season I never saw coming.
In the summer of 2016, I felt the pull to possibly step away from my career as a forensic chemist.I had no idea what God was calling me to, so I reached out to some of my father’s ministry friends for wise counsel. We discussed options of seminary school, ministry career, and counseling career and how I could make any of that happen.
After lots of prayers and seeking wise counsel, it happened! In Spring of 2017, I received a full scholarship to seminary school and had to quit my job in order to fulfill the scholarship. Here I was, moving on from a lifelong career where I met friends that are still close to me today but would not be able to see for months at a time.
I was moving on from stability and a life I was building to an uncertain future. I moved and began the busiest six years of my life. In the past six years, I have become a part-time youth pastor, got engaged, got married, became a chaplain intern, graduated seminary school, lived through the global pandemic riddled with disconnection and loneliness, been rejected from counseling school, moved back to my hometown with my husband, had my spot removed from another counseling school, worked with traumatized foster children, was ordained, was accepted into yet another counseling program, lost the man that was like a second father to me, stepped into a counseling role at work, helped take care of my mother who was recovering from an injury for nearly a year, completed over 700 counseling internship hours, and am now finishing the last three classes for my counseling Master’s degree.
But what about community? Community had become hard to come by. The pandemic caused my time as a youth pastor to come to a close over a Zoom call. We moved back to our hometown but could not visit churches in person.
We also did not want to go back to the churches we grew up in because my husband and I were trying to find a community together where we could grow as a new family. It would be a year and a half after moving until we could visit churches in person. We also had no idea how to find a church because we were both children of church staff and never thought about what church community we would want if we could choose.
We were lonely, anxious, sad, and weighed down by responsibilities and grief. We needed to know we were not alone. We needed connection. I would read multiple books and blogs about the importance of community and even how to find community, but working at the Methodist Children’s Home, being a full-time graduate student, and being newly married gave little time to pursue deep, close friendships.
Finally, my husband and I found a church with an amazing small group called a Missional Community (MC), and we allowed them to pour into us. We did not volunteer for every service and event, and we did not lead every discussion. We soaked in these new friendships and church community and are now beginning to feel loved and supported.
He does not start a good work and then abandon it. He is rooting for you and helping you, calling you blessed and an overcomer. Be faithful. Love those around you. Serve them with joy. Cheer them on. Your seemingly small and insignificant daily offerings will ripple across the pond and become a giant wave of good. Give your most important commodities. Your time. Your attention. Your love.
Despite what it feels like, you will be impacting the world in big, wonderful ways. Ways you can't even begin to imagine. I have been reminded that community is all about being vulnerable and intentional. The Book of Hebrews explains how followers of Christ are to be in community: “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Hebrews 10:24-25
“Community is where humility and glory touch.” - Henri Nouwen. Community is formed through being face-to-face and through loving encouragement. We have to decide to intentionally reach out to someone to grow the relationship. Reaching out to others can be hard. When we reach out we could be afraid that we cannot do it on our own, or that we have to let someone into the hurt we are trying to carry.
For some reason, we have decided that it is weak and wrong to need others, but we were created in community with each other: “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone;” Genesis 2:18 ESV And we were created to be in community with God: “And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, ‘Where are you?’” Genesis 3:8-9 ESV
Our emotions, needs, thoughts, motivations, and intentions were always supposed to be shared with others.Not just existing with others but knowing each other deeply. God created man to walk in the garden with Him and to share the joy and majesty of Creation. God created woman to give relationship and closeness to man. God’s Creation was not just a to-do list in Genesis; God created community.
My husband and I are taking steps to form these friendships. We have had meals with those from our small group. And we have opened up to these new friends about our struggles and worries in order to deepen these relationships and have allowed them to open up to us.
Humanity has been convinced that community will either just happen because of proximity or is not even necessary to live a fulfilling life. Community is the beautiful combination of humility and glory as Henri Nouwen said. We feel pulled to be with others because that is how we were created and how we best live in Creation, but we must be intentional. Are you friendly with someone at church that you would like to get to know more?
Call them. Ask them to lunch. Listen to their story. Is there a coworker you have found that you share things in common? Treat them to coffee before work one day. Ask them about their family. It will feel awkward at first, and you might get turned down multiple times. Keep trying! Community is necessary. Community is worth the effort.
I am currently a Clinical Mental Health Counseling graduate student working towards becoming a licensed counselor. I received my Master’s of Divinity from Mercer University’s seminary school in 2020 and have worked and served in the church through youth ministry for over 14 years. I am an ordained minister and am currently a Family Coach and Behavioral Aide working with foster children at the Methodist Children’s Home. I live in Macon, GA with my husband of four years, Patrick, and we absolutely love being aunt and uncle to our three nieces and nephew. I am excited to be writing more and hope God uses my words to reach those that need to know they are loved.