It's Summer 2021. Perhaps you remember the image that went viral when the US helped evacuate Afghanistan. The image was of a tiny baby being passed over a razor wire wall to an American Marine amid total panic and chaos at the Kabul Airport.
The evening I saw that image on the news, I literally could not get it out of my mind. I looked long and hard at that image, and my heart kept breaking. I went silent. I couldn't talk to my husband about it, even when he repeatedly asked me what was the matter.
I couldn't even speak to God. I had no words to pray. Our emotions are wildly complex, filled with more depth than any combination of words can communicate. I imagined myself being the mother of that baby and the desperation she must have felt. Frantically lifting my daughter over that wall into the hands of a complete stranger?
Unfathomable.
That entire evening and through the night, my mind was on the situation in Afghanistan.
I couldn't comprehend the "why." That's a question I ask God often.
Why? But in the asking, there were no answers. So, I decided not to pray with words but with the posture of my heart, knowing that God sees and knows my heart. I intentionally allowed my heart to feel the
Sadness
Panic
Pain
Confusion
Desperation
Hope
that the baby was safe It was a silent prayer. I was praying from the center of my heart to the center of God's heart. I surrendered my words in order to be simply and silently in His presence. It was prayer based on relationship and trust - not on my demands.
I definitely didn't know what He was doing, but I did know that He is Good and He is Sovereign.
It was still dark when I got up the following day and headed to the ocean. It was a short walk from my house, and as I walked in the dark toward the sunrise, all the pastel colors lit the sky. It was so beautiful. I stepped onto the sand and walked down towards the water.
With every step, I felt something shifting inside of me. When my feet splashed into the warm, clear saltwater, I can only describe it as a moment of full-on Glory. The combination of the water, the air, the sky, and the sun were spectacular. And that's because our God is spectacular. That was a touchstone reminder that He knows even when we can't speak, He knows the posture of our hearts.